i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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