maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
