He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
