I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
