It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
