so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
