The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
