I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
