a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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