D3 body, D1 cock
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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