Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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