im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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