the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
