Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
