drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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