I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
