dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Boobs are out for the taking
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
