okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
