conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
