First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
