i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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