The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize