I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
