I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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