Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i will never coherently bang her
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
