I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
