He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
