She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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