no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I supernannyed him into submission
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