3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
