sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
