She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
