the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
