I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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