how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
