I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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