guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
