before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
