did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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