u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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