she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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