VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
