i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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