How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
