Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
