So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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