I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
