Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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