I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
