I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
