Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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