I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
