Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
