So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
