dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
