Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My bed smells like the plague
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
