Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
