I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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