So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dear god my vagina.
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