Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
