there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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