My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
