And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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