I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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