someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
