I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Michael Bay diarrhea
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
