i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I need water and some morals
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
