sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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