absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
