hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
50% drunk capacity currently
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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