My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize