yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
