just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
