I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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