I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
