i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
