Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
God, I missed his penis.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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