I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
