If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize