Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
