My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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