I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
