Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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