READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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